Jealousy is as old as the world. It is impossible to explain: it is beyond logic, beyond reason, beyond comprehension. However, there is probably someone who would have never been jealous. How to cope with jealousy, if she touched you?
If you’re jealous. If you’re jealous.
It is believed that jealousy is a manifestation of instinct, atavism
inherited from distant ancestors, the apes. However, animals are not trying spiritsa and is quite tolerant of their sexual partner — this is not so different. But try to take the dog a bone — will not find it. On all that relates to property — the food or the place in the hierarchy, has a great taloned paw: mine! Jealousy people have raised the same instinctive flash of anger with which to cope is not easy: how is it possible to take what is rightfully mine!
If you’re jealous…
The basis of this feeling is fear. A woman pushing stereotypes — “if you’re not the only means, not loved, humbled, unnecessary”; the instinct of procreation — “why no survivors?”, information environment — movies, books, jokes about male infidelity.
Besides fear, the woman often feels jealous of her rival: “She’s probably more beautiful, sexy, successful than me”. And envy to her man: “I’m banging all day, keep him faithful, and he’s having fun. I would also, among other things, could. “.
How to cope?
There is a basis
First of all try to understand whether you have the real facts to be jealous of his beloved. If Yes, then do not blame yourself. It’s okay — to wish loved one has had sexual relations only with you and not with anybody else. In this case, to cope with jealousy you will help your loved one, discuss this situation together.
Talk to your husband about your suspicions about what you care about. Try to understand how for him it’s serious. And here is what he will answer, and what you intuitively feel. If husband your relationship is with you and he wants you to suffer, it will definitely help you cope and stop the behavior that causes you pain.
The second option is suitable for those women who know for certain that her husband is cheating, but don’t want to part with it for whatever their reasons. It’s a hard case, but not hopeless. Tell yourself: “Yes, my husband is inclined to cheat on me. This is his feature, his weakness. But otherwise I have no complaints about him, I can handle it and don’t want to divorce him. I will love him the way he is”.
Maybe at first you have depression from these thoughts, but then the balance will be restored and you will be able to cope with their feelings. In any case such humility is better than constant anxiety and stress caused by suspicion.
There is no reason
It also happens that we “brought” out of the blue. Favorite look with interest at the passing leggy blonde, with someone flirted fifteen minutes at the party, and we have already unfolding in my head vivid picture of his betrayal.
Sometimes a woman and she understands that it’s stupid. But can’t spravitsa with you and brings those fantasies yourself and a loved one.
In such a case, try to realize that you are driven by your instincts, your animal nature. Don’t let it get the upper hand. To cope with this jealousy can only by force of will. Every time inside of you raises his head a green-eyed monster named jealousy, tell her: “Stop! Fuck off, pig!” (preferably not out loud).
What not to do?
To change the image. Sometimes, to cope with their feelings, women’s magazines advise: start with yourself — buy sexy lingerie, arrange a candlelit dinner, look at your opponent and understand that you are not.
All of this is bad advice. If a woman wants to deal with revstu and changing behavior, image, she admits defeat: “Yeah, I slightly fell, so understand you”, And her husband, if earlier and felt pangs of conscience from infidelity, but now sees that he was right: the wife has become very unattractive and he had a right to change her. If you want to do them, do it only for yourself, to feel more confident in this difficult situation.
To bind her husband to her to control him, to call every hour, to arrange interrogation: where, with whom, why so long?
In this case, he will try to do it out of spite. To sin and not to be caught — is a great pleasure. And the woman, pitiusas to cope so addicted to jealousy, like a drug. Mood swings from despair, when the husband is not ringing up of relief when he opens the door with a key, lead to a large release of adrenaline. And if in life there are no other strong feelings, you can reach complete exhaustion.
If you’re jealous…
A woman, as a rule, is jealous of her husband to another woman. But a man can be jealous of his wife to work, to child, to her friend, even to the cat. Actually, it’s — the complaint for lack of attention.
It often happens that a woman, after giving birth to baby, all the forces and all the time gives him. And husband while trying to cope with their feelings, feels superfluous: he fulfilled his mission and now no longer needed.
How to cope?
There is a basis
Do you have a little to pay attention to her husband. In this case, we must understand that all roles in life, except for marital, temporary. Even a parent — the child will grow up and leave and build their futures. Therefore, it is necessary to preserve the relationship with her husband: take care of it, don’t forget to Express your love, to try together to cope with financial and domestic problems. Then no girlfriend, no cats, no dogs won’t cause your loved jealousy.
There is no reason
However, we must remember that jealousy is sometimes the only symptom of the disease of chronic alcoholism, schizophrenia, psychopathy. In this case, will help to cope with this ailment with the doctors. Scientists say that even mentally normal person during fits of jealousy when encephalogram brain resembles that which occurs in a patient with epilepsy during a seizure.
What can we say about when a man is really sick. If his behavior becomes aggressive, you just have to grab the baby and run.
Check the same — the disease is or “normal” jealousy is possible. A normal man who thinks his wife is cheating, deep down wants it to be true and wants to deal with jealousy. And if a woman most of the time to spend with him, the husband calms down. If it’s a disease, man, convinced that his wife is faithful to him, began to search for another reason to be jealous. And this can last up to a very sad end, if not consult a doctor.
What not to do?
Preheat jealousy. Somehow, it is believed that a man should from time to time to tease, to provoke, to make to achieve. Then he allegedly feel like a winner. But this does not mean that he will increase his love for you. To yourself — maybe. Attempts to manipulate others never strengthen relationships. On the contrary, cause alienation. If you want to “warm up” your man, suggest that many have dreamed to be with you, but you chose him. As in the joke about the wife who sent her husband a telegram from the resort: “still, you’re the best!”
To confess to something that never was. Some jealousy tormented women believe that it is better to accept what her husband suspects rather than suffer the reproaches of his. So jealous to cope does not, in any case, don’t do it! Jealous will not disappear, on the contrary, now that the wife confessed, he would be considered justified his ugly behavior.
Tatiana KOTLYARENKO,family system consultant
Jealousy itself has the right to life, right to life of all the senses. And as everyone has feelings, of jealousy, there are objective reasons for the emergence. We tend to look for these causes outward into someone or something, but the truth is that all causes of feelings live inside us. One of the common causes of jealousy inner insecurity. Hence, as a consequence, fear of losing a partner, an exaggeration of danger, suspicion, distrust, etc.
Jealousy — this is a manifestation of distrust of one person to another, the desire to blame the other “all serious”, “justified” love. But if jealousy is gaining momentum and strength, while love itself may disappear.
Interesting facts
According to the American researchers, more than a third of men and a quarter of all women, being married, at least had one on the side.
Australian psychotherapist van Wald, 40 years studying jealousy, revealed that the jealous are suffering from hypertension, cardiovascular disease, their life expectancy is shorter by 10−15 years. In 35 years, they often look sixty. And feel even worse.
PhD scholar William brown established that become extremely jealous of people that have one leg or arm shorter than the other or where there is another asymmetry of the body. “Disproportionate” lovers more than others are afraid of being abandoned or betrayed, because “symmetrical” representatives of humanity is able to continue the race and more attractive to the opposite sex.
And remember, you need to deal with jealousy at least in order to stay healthy.
